'The Hand God Dealt Me'

The Super Bowl hasn't yet started. Ralph Melillo sits in his Allen Court living room with family and buddies, joking and gabbing. Chips and dip sit on a coffee table. "Animal House" plays on a large-screen TV.

Not far beneath the merriment, there's a profound sadness. Melillo, 51, has a degenerative condition called cervical myelopathy. His sister says she hopes for a miracle. That miracle requires money for out-of-state trips to join case studies and for medical equipment to add some quality to her brother's life. These days, he spends much of his time in a chair, can barely lift his arms and his speech is slow. Soon, he will need a wheelchair.

So his family and friends organized a fundraiser for the man they affectionately call "a macho Italian" who loved to play Santa Claus and pull pranks and was always the pillar of support when a relative died. On March 5, Il Salice will host a benefit for Melillo, a 1977 East Haven High School grad.

"He spent so much of his life doing for others and expecting nothing," says wife, Maureen Melillo. "This is a chance for him to see that's he's made a difference."

"The worst thing that's ever happened in my life"

About a year ago, Ralph Melillo says he slipped and fell at work. He's an equipment mechanic at Yale University facing the end of his Worker's Comp benefit.

"It was a minor fall. One of my (neck) discs popped out leaving an injury on my spinal cord," he says, adding that he already had a cervical disc problem. He needed an operation to fuse his neck in four spots. "I will lose my job because I can't walk," he says.

When he was given his diagnosis, he says he broke down and cried. And since has struggled to accept the debilitating condition that, barring a miracle, will worsen.

"It is what it is," says Melillo. "I have to deal with the hand God dealt me."

The hardest part of learning about her husband's condition was watching him lose his ability to interact with their three children, says Maureen. "He was always a happy, energetic, go-to kind of guy."

For Ralph's sister, Nancy Melillo, her brother's affliction is "the worst thing that's ever happened in my life. I cry a lot. I just hope for a miracle. That's all you can do." Nancy lives up the street and teaches Yoga in New Haven. Ralph's mother lives on the second floor of his house.

His daughter Rosemarie, 15, a East Haven High freshman, says her dad used to take her to places like Taco Bell to get her out of the house. But no more.

"It's like hard. But you need to take one day at a time," she says.

Ralph's 23-year-old son, Eddie, says they used to fix stuff together around the house. He says he misses that.

And there's little Gino, 6, who's munching on chips in front of the TV and running around the room going from one loving lap to another. He has Down's Syndrome.

Ralph and his holidays

Perhaps nothing gets more mileage from the living-room gang than recalling how Ralph celebrated the holidays. Maureen says he worked side jobs to support his holiday habit.

Every Fourth of July, Ralph turned his back yard into a extravaganza for at least 100 guests, says Maureen. There'd be live music, basketball games, a cotton candy machine, lots of food and games. And every year Ralph would light the fireworks. Until last year.

His childhood friend Sal Annunziata played with his band the Red Hill Rockers at those Independence Day shindigs. Annunziata will make a repeat performance at the March 5 benefit.

Nancy brings up tales of Ralph as Santa Claus. She says he'd get dressed up as the big red guy and go around the neighborhood giving out gifts. He'd give those closest to him gag gifts, she says.

For Halloween, it was a decked-out garage, thanks to Ralph's handiwork. He even constructed a coffin out of plywood and had each family member take a turn inside, says daughter Rosemarie, who still doesn't sound too happy about it. But manages a smile nonetheless.

"We're a very close-knit family," says Ralph's cousin Marianne Cesare. They grew up together. "Ralph has been our go-to guy." Cesare is an educational tech at D.C. Moore Elementary School, where her nephew Gino attends.

Maureen says Ralph embraced their little boy's birth. The fact that he has Down's Syndrome didn't damper his fatherly pride. "He's a very macho Italian guy. There was no 'woe is me.' No falling apart. He celebrated Gino's life. I expected some mourning but that's who he is," says Maureen.

When Rosemarie was born, her father's macho attitude kicked into high gear, says Maureen.

Ralph agrees.

"I spent my life chasing girls," he says. "Now I've got to kill anyone who chases Rosie."

"Because you're a typical Italian macho guy," Maureen says to her husband of 18 years.

The benefit will be held on March 5, from 7 p.m. to 11 p.m. at Il Salice, 11 Roma St. (near Memorial Field). Cash bar, Sal Annunziata and the Red Hill Rockers perform, DJ, raffles. $30/person.