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Who Are "Mitts" Romney?

Who knew that there were 2 Mitt Romneys; or Mitts Romney?

On March 12, 1947 neither George nor Lenore Romney realized the birth of their son, Willard, was actually the birth of two sons: Mitt and Mitts.

While in utero, the precocious Mitts realized that being so identical would lead the two to have serious identity crises. Before they born, the two agreed that if Mitt took a position, Mitts would take the opposite point of view.

Both Mitts also understood that the only way to survive in the same house meant that only one Mitt could be present. Therefore, they agreed to merge into a single body, which contained within it two Mitts.

Both Mitts agreed to run for governor in 2002. Mitt 1 wanted to run for governor of Massachusetts; while Mitt 2 wanted to run for governor of Utah. Mitts had legitimate residency ties to both states.

The two Mitts agreed on Massachusetts with the understanding that they would divide the 4 year term in half. Mitt 1 would get to be governor for 2 years while Mitt 2 would take the helm for the last 2 years. If they agreed to run for public office again, Mitt 2 would be in charge first.

Mitt 1 ran the gubernatorial campaign by embracing positions that enraged Mitt 2. But what could Mitt 2 do? A deal was a deal and he would just have to wait his turn.

Mitt 1 publicly stated, “I believe that abortion should be safe and legal,” that he supported abortion since before the passage of Roe v. Wade. “I will respect and protect a woman’s right to choose.”  Mitt 1 also supported the morning after pill for rape victims who came into the emergency room.

Poor Mitt 2 suffered terribly but could do nothing about it He just had to wait his turn.

Mitt 1 banned assault weapons stating,”Assault weapons are instruments of destruction.”

Much to Mitt 2’s chagrin, Mitt 1 endorsed aggressive programs to reduce greenhouse gasses. “Coal kills people”, he said.

With regards to gays Mitt I said,” All citizens deserve equal rights regardless of sexual orientation.”

Mitt 2 thought his chance to run a state would never arrive. But it did. Even more important, Mitt 2 got to run for president of the United States.

As soon as he took over the reins of power, Mitt 2 began to radically change positions. First, he wanted to change the legality of same sex marriage in Massachusetts and supported an amendment to the Massachusetts constitution to prohibit same sex marriages.

Mitt 2 clearly and emphatically voiced his defense of 2nd amendment right. He rejected new gun control laws. “The answer to horrific acts of violence is changing the heart of the American people. Poor Mitt 1 was extremely disheartened.

Mitt 1 was extremely concerned that his credibility would be permanently wrecked when Mitt 2 criticized President Obama for making it more difficult to get coal out of the ground.  Mitt 2 did not support the development of the alternative energy sources that Mitt 1 had supported.

Mitt 1 started throwing tantrums screaming so loudly within Mitt 2 that Mitt 2 could no longer hear himself think without Mitt 1’s voice causing him to become confused.

Much to his, and his supporters chagrin, the Mitts merged and spoke in one confused garbled voice.

While the Mitts said they were for smaller government they also said, “If government just cuts spending you slow down the economy.”

The two Mitts attacked the Affordable Care Act while acknowledging that he was its father in Massachusetts.

But his big money supporters reminded Mitts, and especially Mitt 1, that for the sake of personal political gain he had to sacrifice his belief in the health of Americans; the health of the planet; his belief in equality for all Americans; gun control and a more secure America if he wished to become president.

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Rod October 04, 2012 at 02:59 AM
Politics - noun. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Rod October 04, 2012 at 10:43 AM
Bill's quote is from James Carville (1996), from his book "We're right, They're Wrong". But if the point is 'it's deplorable' .. it's also real. The BIG Banks and BIG Corporations who have invested BILLIONS have polluted the elections. It's become like a choice between Coke (or is spelled 'Koch') and Pepsi ... No matter how much they advertise, over and over again, how refreshing they are ... end of the day ... same flavor and each equally UNHEALTHY for 99.99% of us. Search Alabama Governor "Don Siegelman" .. and how in March 2006 the Judge Struck down a indictment and how Karl Rove persisted. More than 100 former State Attorney Generals joined a petition to overturn what the American Trial Lawyers Association calls "political prisoner #1" Search "fired federal prosecutors, Dec 7 2006, December 4, 2006 email." Search "ohio election fraud 2004" Everyone should be concerned that such injustice is becoming the new normal in a nation that once prided itself on its fairness and rule of law. Check out http://www.democracynow.org/2012/8/31/top_gop_strategist_karl_rove_loses
Rod October 04, 2012 at 11:09 AM
Alabama governor lost his re-election amidst broad speculation of election fraud. Don Seigelman's case, see http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mimi-kennedy/don-siegelman_b_1851909.html or 60 Minutes ... http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=3870545n and http://harpers.org/archive/2008/02/hbc-90002487 For former FIRED federal prosecutors ... See wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dismissal_of_U.S._attorneys_controversy and http://harpers.org/archive/2008/02/hbc-90002487
Bill October 04, 2012 at 12:07 PM
Rod, actually the point is the cynical view of the average member of the democrat party, and for that matter the average citizen, held by the democrat party elite. They really do see themselves as the ruling class, the elite.
Bill October 04, 2012 at 09:31 PM
Who are the Mitts Romney? Well they're the guy/guys who schooled president Obama last night in how to debate and how to look presidential. I think Barry was taking notes too judging by the amount of time he spent staring at his podium.

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