Did 'The Change-Up' Revive the Classic Body-Switching Genre?

I usually start these reviews by beating around the bush a little, inserting a little personal quip or maybe some metaphor about the given film. I can’t do that this time. Because maybe, just maybe, in the few seconds it would take you to read that intro, one of you might have decided to see “The Change-Up.” And I just can’t risk that.

I hated this movie.

There, I said it. I hated it. Hated every moment of this scarily unfunny film. Essentially, “The Change-Up” is “Freaky Friday,” if that film was written by teenage perverts with a “Screenwriting For Dummies” manual and a bag of pot. It follows Dave (Jason Bateman), a workaholic lawyer with three kids and a neglected wife (Leslie Mann). Once day he goes out drinking with his childhood friend Mitch (Ryan Reynolds), an out of work two-bit actor and lazy lothario. 

They both envy each other’s life and tell each other so, while drunkenly peeing in a fountain in the park. The Gods of Outdoor Urination must have heard their plea because, when they wake up the next morning, Mitch is in Dave’s body and Dave is in Mitch’s.

I keep waiting for one of these body-switching movies to answer the questions I’m interested in: Doesn’t it freak you out being in another persson’s body? Why doesn’t anyone think it’s strange that a mild-mannered lawyer is suddenly using words that would make a sailor blush in a board meeting? And how is a uneducated man suddenly able to prepare and understand legal documents, let alone know the vocabulary and computer passwords?

The questions are never answered, it just goes ahead and follows the path you’ve come to know and hate: obvious madcap antics. Mitch (in Dave’s body, remember) botches a big business deal while Dave (in Mitch’s body) has to star in an ultra-low budget “light porno.” Things get worse, then better, but believe me when I tell you, the less you know the better.

Yes, the plot is unoriginal and hackneyed and clichéd. But I could almost overlook that if the writing was smart or if the film had heart. But it has neither. One fatal flaw of the film is its mistaken theory that naughty words, raunch and bodily functions equals comedy. When a film’s comedic highlights include a baby pooping on his father’s face, which happens even before the opening credits roll, you know the writers were not going for highbrow humor. Unfortunately, they not just missed lowbrow, but they missed humor altogether.

I don’t mind raunchy films; in fact I loved “The Hangover,” which was shockingly written by the same two people. But this is filth for filth’s sake. It tries to take in viewers by being obscene and showing plenty of pointless nudity, but accomplishes the exact opposite. Oh, and thank you, “The Change-Up” for even making me use the phrase “pointless nudity,” something I had hoped to never say.

Maybe some of it could have been more humorous if we just liked the lead characters, or at least related to them. But how can you relate to characters who are unlikable versions of clichéd, stock movie characters. This is a movie where men are jerks, women are to be ogled at and wives are just tired, burnt-out nags.

Being married, Mitch complains, it like being a “brain dead mule in the desert,” a line that says less about marriage and more about the state of the film. All those stereotypes and ugly characterizations just made me feel like I needed a long, hot shower. 

Bateman, Reynolds and Mann have proven before they are funny, likeable actors. They putter around as best they can, given the poor material, trying hard for a laugh. Olivia Wilde, the mysterious Ella in “Cowboys & Aliens,” also turns up as Dave’s sexy coworker. Wilde’s scenes were among he best in the film, including a warmth and light comedic touch that was absent elsewhere. I just hope she tries her hand at comedy again and is given more to do.  

I won’t keep going on here. I can’t bear to waste any more words on this piece of cinematic garbage. There is nothing more I can say other than it is a trite, dumb, offensive, ugly movie that displays less skill and wit than your average insurance commercial.

Please don’t see this movie. Read a book, take a walk, get a root canal. Anything.

What I'd see this week:

• For some adventure — “Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes”/”Cowboys & Aliens”
• For some laughs — “Crazy, Stupid, Love"
• For the kids — “Winnie The Pooh”